I sit here alone. Tears cutting down my cheeks.

My brother and sister-in-love just drove away. The last time I’ll see them in Perth before they fly off into their future tomorrow. We’ve spent most Sunday afternoons the last three years cooking vegetables to eat for lunch. Giggling. Submarining. Venting. Inspiring. Napping. Praying. Understanding.

We’ve spent and now it’s costing us.

Across the country, my husband sits with his side of our family as doctors deliver round after round of devastating and confusing news. He grew up literally next door to these people his whole childhood. Spent everyday with them. They spent, and now it costs them.

On our wedding day we said goodbye to our best man and his wife as they moved away to teach, we’ve said goodbye to so many of our closest friends as they’ve left for distant places. Each time we find ourselves reeling. Where we spent time, it now costs us. Our schedules and home feel emptier than ever.

Queen Elizabeth II said that “Grief is the price we pay for love” and oh it costs us dearly.

It’s too easy to close up after moments like these, stop the spending so we don’t pay the cost later. The sadness feels too much. It just aches. And to open up again, fully knowing the eventuality of grief, is overwhelming.

But if grief is the price, love is prize, and we know that the only worthwhile life calls us to, once again, open our hearts and love until we’re completely spent.

I was asked that question last week for the second time in my life. The first time was last year, when I wrote some more verses to a song that others had been stuck on for ages. The words felt like they spilt out of my head while I drove to Oporto for a chicken wrap (!)

This time I wrote a page describing the heart of our future creative arts team. Once again, it spilt out of my heart and into my laptop.

I couldn’t answer how it happened. It just… did.

But I’ve asked that question of others before and the answer of, I just do, it just happened is SO frustrating! Just tell me your ways!! 🙂 So I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and here’s how things ‘just happen’ for me…

Continue reading →